Saturday, April 9, 2011

The Road to Emotional Maturity

On the road to emotional maturity, the real breakthrough comes when you begin to be more concerned with the fact that you are upset--depressed, angry, bitter, fill in the blank with any form of negativity--than with what you are upset about.

This new approach would mean that you've finally seen the illogic of all forms of negativity. You've finally come to realize that an inner state fraught with negativity will never have a positive impact on your environment. At that point, in other words, you have begun to focus your attention on your inner state as the key to shaping your reality.

And precisely what is "your reality"? Your reality is your body. Your body is all you really care about. The impact that the outer world has on your body--through direct impact and through your emotions--is ultimately how you experience the world, such as it is.

So why not focus directly on your reality? That's what you're beginning to do when you begin to focus on the fact that you're feeling some sort of negativity, as opposed to concerning yourself with the supposed external source of that negativity.

The source of the negativity--depression, anxiety, hatred, etc.--isn't really outside of you. It's inside of you. In your mind. It's your mind's judgment of that external circumstance that's the root cause of your pain. Your mind sets up a judgment about that circumstance and your body reacts to it. Your body's reaction to a thought is called an emotion, in this case a negative emotion.

Eliminate the judgment about the circumstance and you eliminate the emotion about that circumstance. Eliminate the emotion (your body's reaction to the thought) and you thereby eliminate the pain, the physical pain, you experience in association with that circumstance. When you learn to do this, you are at peace.

This is what Jesus was talking about when he said, "Judge not, lest you be judged." He wasn't talking about the afterlife. You receive your judgment, your self-punishment, then and there in the form of physical pain caused by our bodies emotional reactions to negative thoughts.

How can you put the foregoing into practice? Start with your body. Next time you're feeling any form of negativity, stop for a moment and take stock of your physical body. How does it feel? Put aside the content of your negativity--your anger, depression, worry--and focus on how your body actually feels.

Is it a dull ache all over? Is there one particular place that feels particularly painful? (I always used to experience constriction in my abdomen.) Focus your awareness on whatever negative sensations you are feeling. Don't try to make them go away. This would be your judgment of them, and we're trying to get away from judgment (because judgment is bad--just kidding, couldn't resist).

You'll notice a couple of things. First, you'll notice that the pain isn't really that strong. It isn't going to kill you. You can live with it. Once you realize that it isn't going to kill you, then you can allow it to be there without having to react to your environment. Now you've entered the realm of conscious suffering, a realm that is truly life-changing.

Hold your awareness there as long as you can, doing nothing about your environment, doing nothing to attempt in the world around you to relieve yourself of this supposed source of unhappiness. Gradually you will find that you can bring yourself back to a state of peace on your own, without having done anything at all to affect the world around you.

And if you're at peace, why do you care what happens in the world around you? Answer: you don't!

That's emotional maturity. It can be a long road but it's definitely worth the trip. And you'll feel better from this very first step.

One more word of advice: You may find it difficult to suffer consciously until you put a stop to that voice in your head . . .

You might also like: A Cure for Anxiety - Part 2

No comments:

Post a Comment

From the Archives

What's Your Drama?

Ok, I'll go first. My drama has been to allow my pain-body to take over my thinking in the context of a love relationship. No...

Popular Posts