Stop Telling Yourself That Story!

Whenever we're feeling emotional pain, it's a story that we're telling ourselves about our lives that's causing it. If you can figure out what that story is, you can turn off the pain.

Let me give you an example. I play a lot of computer backgammon, against a computerized opponent; we'll call him Watson after the computerized Jeopardy champ. It's almost like a meditation for me--except that it's clear that the backgammon computer program favors its buddy, Watson--also part of the computer, see where we're going with this? 

All paranoia aside, Watson almost always gets way more doubles than I do; that can't be random chance, can it? Anyway, it's a program I downloaded from the internet for free and it frequently asks me to pay for the full version. I'm sure the unfairness has something to do with that.

With so many more doubles, Watson of course wins way more often than I do. This has always caused a tinge of emotional pain that I don't really pay much attention to. Rather, I just start a new game and move on with my life.

But what's the narrative I'm telling myself that causes that emotional pain? That this computer program is being unfair to me. This storyline usually flies below the radar of my consciousness and causes that slight amount of emotional pain I mentioned, and I go on with my life and the next game having banked a little bit more emotional pain (which I will inevitably have to deal with later).

But if I stop and identify that story I'm telling myself, that the computer program is treating me unfairly, I've made this story conscious. I can then decide simply to stop telling myself this story, which I will of course do, because nobody enjoys experiencing emotional pain. Drop the story, and I am at peace again, my (and your) natural state.

Now apply this process to  a more difficult situation like the break up of a relationship. This situation causes us pain ONLY because we tell ourselves unconscious stories about it. What are these unconscious stories? Let's list the possibilities:

1. I can't live without her (him).

2. I'll never find another lover.

3. I'm not good enough.

The list could go on. The point is, there is a specific story that you're telling yourself in this situation. Think about it, identify it, make it conscious and your emotional pain will go away.

The pain tends to persist, so when you start feeling bad again, repeat this process as needed.

You might also like: Conscious Backgammon

Photo courtesy of Positively Feminine .