In a relationship, the job is non-reaction. Another word for non-reaction, according to spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle, is forgiveness. Forgiveness works wonders. As the Good Book says, "Love covers a multitude of sins." Forgiveness doesn't require participation from your significant other. It only requires your participation.
Tolle's first book, The Power of Now is in question-and-answer format. The question (in this case, actually, a comment):
I suppose that it takes two to make a relationship into a spiritual practice, as you suggest. For example, my partner is still acting out his old patterns of jealousy and control. I have pointed this out many times but he is unable to see it. [Italics original]
Tolle's answer: "How many people does it take to make your life into a spiritual practice? Never mind if your partner will not cooperate. Sanity--consciousness--can only come into this world through you." If you wait for your partner to come around, Tolle says, you may be waiting forever.
Change doesn't happen while the ego has something to push against. It happens when there is no push-back on the other side and ego falls flat on its face. That's what forgiveness does.
Forgiveness works wonders in two ways. Either you will move every closer in love or you will go your separate ways--some egos are so entrenched that they can't respond positively to forgiveness just yet. But what is very unlikely to happen is extended periods of time wasted in argument and discord, because you can't have an argument with just one participant. Forgiveness is a catalyst for improvement in the relationship, one way or the other.
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