In Relationships It Only Takes One to Tango

In a relationship, the job is non-reaction. Another word for non-reaction, according to spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle, is forgiveness. Forgiveness works wonders. As the Good Book says, "Love covers a multitude of sins." Forgiveness doesn't require participation from your significant other. It only requires your participation.

Tolle's first book, The Power of Now is in question-and-answer format. The question (in this case, actually, a comment): 

I suppose that it takes two to make a relationship into a spiritual practice, as you suggest. For example, my partner is still acting out his old patterns of jealousy and control. I have pointed this out many times but he is unable to see it. [Italics original]

Tolle's answer: "How many people does it take to make your life into a spiritual practice? Never mind if your partner will not cooperate. Sanity--consciousness--can only come into this world through you." If you wait for your partner to come around, Tolle says, you may be waiting forever.

A Word on Forgiveness this Festivus Season

We shouldn't be surprised when those closest to us engage in unconscious (negative) behavior. They are generally no different from everybody else in the world, no matter how much we may love them. And we're all at varying levels of awakening after all.

(Photo: Frank Costanza, from Seinfeld, the Festivus airing of grievances, courtesy of Sony Pictures Television)

When we are surprised, that becomes our own unconsciousness, perpetuating a cycle of--to one degree or another--violence.

The only way to break this cycle is through forgiveness. They truly do not know what they are doing. If the did, they wouldn't do it, because they love you too.